Last Kiss
by jinxing minx
Summary: If you were to have a last kiss, you too would want the kiss to represent all of love that you both had shared, because after the last kiss, the last touch, the last look, the last goodbye where would all that love go? Addison, Derek and their take on their last few kisses.


When you imagine your last kiss, you imagine it to be comforting. You want to know that it's the very last one. You want the last kiss to feel like the last kiss you'll ever share. You want it to feel like the end. You hope for closure. When you think of the last kiss, you think of your deathbed with your wife and children by your side. She has her hands intertwined with yours. Her eyes slowly giving out while yours are filled with tears cause god forbid that you go first. That's ideal. That's what you want. You want closure. When you think of the perfect last kiss, it's one wherein you give it your all. It's the kiss wherein you can say "I love you," "I'm sorry," "I forgive you," and everything else you wanted to say but never got the chance to all wrapped up into one breathtaking kiss. You want it to contain all the memories, the joy, the heartache and all the love. If you were to have that last kiss with your soulmate, you too would want the kiss to represent all of love that you both had shared, because after the last kiss, the last touch, the last look, the last goodbye where would all that love go?

Derek Shepherd didn't expect to see her at the airport lounge of all places; not that he was expecting to see her at all anyway. It has been years since he had last seen his ex wife. The last time must have been when she went to Seattle for Mark's daughter. Funny, he thought. When they were in their 20s and in their early 30s, the famous _Addison and Derek_ were inseparable. Nowadays, they can't even bother to pick up the phone to catch up with one another, nor reply to each other's email. Then again, they no longer had the obligation to try anymore. They are divorced. They were both remarried to two wonderful people and they have kids now. Catching up with your ex was obviously not high in the list of priorities, so he remained still with his scotch in his hand. He wouldn't even know what to tell her. He wasn't even sure that it was her at first because she had her back turned and her hair was another shade of red, but he his heart definitely knew it was her. He had her memorized. Derek knew her as well as he knew brain surgery. That's what happens when almost every career defining moment you have is correlated to the woman that helped you study for all of your early cases, even the ones before you were a surgeon. Without a doubt, this was his Addison. Except she was no longer his Addison. She's someone else's now.

The way she was seated spoke volumes. Her long tanned legs were crossed. Her designer bag was on the seat beside her and the sunglasses were on the table beside her cellphone. Derek smirked. She never did travel without at least 3 sunglasses. "It could come in handy with my outfit," she'd use to insist. He could only imagine how much worse it must be now that she lives in the always sunny Los Angeles. Her delicate hands were holding a cup of hot chocolate. He didn't need to be near her to know exactly what she was drinking. He knew. It was their juju, Derek said to himself. Hot chocolate was their thing. Derek took a gulp from his scotch and wondered if she had the same routine with her husband now. Meredith and Derek didn't. It was Addison and Derek's thing. It wouldn't be right to share that with someone else. Then, it finally happened. The flight attendant had announced that due to the weather, all flights are delayed. Derek heard people groaning and complaining, but he couldn't find it in him to care. All he wanted was to go up and talk to her. He drank the rest of his scotch and took a deep breath. It was going to be a long day.

He was staring. He didn't know how long he had been staring, but he was staring anyway. He saw the newspaper in her hand. She was finishing a crossword. Derek knew that she did that everyday. He even used to tease her about it. It was just one of those things that made Addison, well, Addison. There used to be days wherein he would just have her sit on his lap while she did those puzzles. He would kiss her that small spot on shoulder that she secretly loves. There was just something intimate with having her as close as possible. He missed that. Not that he wants to get back with Addison. It wasn't the case at all. He loved Meredith, and he wanted to grow old with her. It was just the little details like crossword puzzles on the very rare days that they both had off back when they were interns that made him wish that he got a proper last day with Addison. True that the demise of the marriage was gradual and far longer than it needed to be, but nevertheless, Derek wished he at least remembered how their last kiss was.

Addison didn't know why she came to DC in the first place. She just had a baby; well more like she had just adopted another baby, a girl this time. She could've easily backed out of this surgery. There were other neonatal surgeons out there. She could've just said no to the surgery and stayed home to take care of her daughter and Henry, but lets face it, she wouldn't have said no. Her conscience and Jake wouldn't let her say no. The babies, one named Adrianne (after her), needed Addison. She was the best chance that those little babies had. She wouldn't have said no. However, she still missed her son and her daughter. She wanted nothing more than you hold them and shower them with kisses, but that can wait. Right now, she is focusing on the crossword in front of her.

8 letters. _The bittersweet feeling of having arrived in the future, seeing how things turn out, but not being able to tell your past self._

"Énoument" A voice behind her spoke causing Addison to jump a little. She knew that voice. Despite not hearing it for years, it was hard to forget the melodic sound that came from the man that once served as her everything. She used to love hearing his voice in the morning. She slowly turned her head to see him. He looked different yet familiar. He had wrinkles around his eyes and his grey hair was much more prominent now, but he was still the same. The man in front of her was without a doubt Derek Christopher Shepherd. "Would you mind?" He asked as he motioned to the chair across from her. "No! Not at all. Please" Addison smiled. It was comforting to have him here. At one point, they had wanted nothing more than to be as far away from each other as possible, but things change. They changed. There was enough water under the bridge for them to be civilized; friendly even. "Here." he handed her a fresh cup of hot chocolate. "Has he been holding that the entire time?" Addison thought; silently wishing that they could go back in time wherein she could say any nonsensical thought to the former love of her life. Instead, she settled for a "Thank you Derek" and a subtle smile.

"So what brings you to Washington?" Derek teased. Addison laughed. Both of them understood the underlying meaning behind his question. God he missed her laugh. How was it possible for him to hate it at one point in time?

"Work. A TTTS case on quadruplets." Addison replied nonchalantly. Derek smirked. He was immensely proud of her. All of those sleepless night helping her study of cases were more than worth it. "You know, you must be the only surgeon, no person, in the entire world that can say it so casually. You say it like it's as easy as learning how to ride a bike."

"Hey! It isn't as easy as you think it is." Addison defensively interrupted. Both of them were shocked with the sudden shift in her tone. However, they both know it was not personal. He was the first to laugh. A quick glance at her blue green eyes and he knew that he could laugh. He still remembered how to read her. It was a gift that he will forever be grateful for. Once he laughed, she laughed too. It was pretty funny.

"Let me guess. Your son is learning how to ride a bike?" Derek asked. Addison nodded. It was strange to talk about their kids. They had always thought they'd talk about _their _kids. Little babies that were half him and half her. This, however, was unfamiliar. Their kids weren't half him and half her. They were kids that they had with other people. The realization had broken both their smiles.

"Henry." Addison spoke to ease the uncomfortable silence. "His name is Henry." She smiled. He did too.

"Amelia mentioned him." He explained. As if it was an answer to the unspoken question she was thinking.

"How are your kids?" Addison said slowly as if she was forcing the words out of her mouth. It was awkward, and they both knew it. They just wanted to be polite. Talking about Jake and Meredith would be too much, so they settled for kids. Kids are fine. Kids are neutral.

"They're great. Zola is," he paused to find the right words, but settled for "she's good. Bailey is good too." He may be proud of his kids, but telling Addison about them would just open Pandora's box. Maybe there wasn't enough water under the bridge after all.

"That's good." Addison nodded. Those aren't names that she would pick out for her kids, especially with the last name Shepherd. However, those aren't her kids, and she was no longer a Shepherd. Instead she kept her mouth shut. "I have a daughter now too." It was his turn to nod. "Natalie," she smiled. She must miss her little girl.

"Henry and Natalie." Derek recited as if he was testing it out. Being married for 11 years comes with an array of baby names. Many good names have been vetoed simply because it didn't fit with Shepherd. "Henry and Natalie Montgomery." _Shepherd. _He physically needed to stop himself from saying it.

"Montgomery Reilly" Addison corrected. Derek mindlessly nodded. Those aren't his kids, and she was no longer a his wife.

_Do you think things would have been different if you had kids?_

Derek observed her. He looked at her intently. Something he hasn't done in far too long. She looked happy, and not the fake type of happy she would show people back in Connecticut. She was truly and genuinely happy. A feeling that she hadn't experienced way before their divorced was finalized. "It still amazes me that someone got you to come to Washington. From what I remember, you were never a fan of DC." Derek was on thin ice. There must have been an unspoken rule about exes reminiscing about the good old days right?

"Well Washington isn't all that bad. It has the place with the bed." Addison raised her eyebrow. Challenging him almost. If he wanted to go to uncharted waters, then so can she. "How can I not like the place where we did," she paused. There was a fine line between teasing and flirting, and she knew we couldn't go there. "Well you know what we did, and from what I remember, we always vowed to come back to try more _stuff_." She knew we couldn't go there, but she couldn't stop herself.

"From what I remember, the place with the bed was only the start." Derek was playing her game. They both know that they were on a delicate topic, but neither of them could stop. The familiarity had taken over. Addison nodded, then drank from her hot chocolate. Addison stopped. It was perfect. It even had the hint of cinnamon and dash of vanilla that she wanted. A detail that Jake always overlooked. "You remembered?" Addison's voice was low.

"How could I forget?" Derek replied casually, as if she was the one overreacting for assuming that he forgot it. "There are just some things that you can't forget even how hard you try." He explained. Suddenly, memories of their niece's birthday party, breakfast in bed and walking along Central Park with snow falling came flooding their minds. Neither had thought of the indifference, infidelity or the other heart shattering moments they had put each other through.

_I was married for 11 years. Addison is my family. That is 11 Thanksgivings, 11 birthdays and 11 Christmases. And in one day, I'm supposed to sign a piece of paper and end my family? A person doesn't do that. Not without a little hesitation. I'm entitled to a little uncertainty here! At least a moment to understand the magnitude to what it means to cut somebody out of my life. I'm entitled to a least one moment of painful doubt. And a little understanding from you would be nice._

"You know, there's this thing that's been bugging me since you left for LA." Derek knew he was crossing a line, but this was Addison. The line between them would always be blurry. The end of them was inevitable, but that doesn't mean that they weren't great together. He loved her, and she loved him. That doesn't just go away because they signed a piece of paper. "I can't seem to remember our last kiss."

"Derek" His name came rolled out of her tongue effortlessly. "We can't go there." Addison's eyes were pleading.

"Come on Addie. Just this once. Reminisce with me." Derek was begging. Something he has never done with Addison. Her hands were resting on top of the table, playing with the paper napkin in front of her. "Please." He took her hand in his, and looked at her eyes once again. He was almost afraid that he would forget her eyes too. "I just want to be able to remember it."

"Why?" Addison's tone was more curious than anything else. Derek shrugged. He couldn't tell her why. He himself didn't know why he wanted to know. Addison took a deep breath. "It was at the vet's. Right before we went in."

"That couldn't have been the last." Derek insisted. He remembered it. It was lackluster, a dud. Their last kiss was a disappointing ending in the beautiful love story that was _Addison and Derek._ You would think with all of the pain they had caused everyone, that their last kiss would be more eventful.

* * *

_"Are you ready?" Addison asked. Derek didn't say anything. It was a typical response she would get from her husband. His silence spoke volumes, so Addison remained still. If he wanted to talk, then he would. But until then, she'd wait. Neither of them moved for awhile. They sulked up the misery that filled the car._

_"We should go." Derek announced. "Yeah we should." She replied. However, they remained still. Neither of them had opened the door. They wanted to stay in denial a little bit longer, but the silence was deafening. Both of them were exhausted. It must've been nice to stop pretending. If only they could. She sighed. He rolled his eyes._

_"What do you want Addison?" He practically yelled. He was furious. He hated Meredith. He hated Finn. He hated Addison. He really didn't want to be here, and he was taking it out on Addison. She didn't reply. Instead, she opened her door._

_"I'm waiting for it to pass Derek." She voice was low. Derek screwed up. _

_Christmas makes you want to be with people you love. I'm not saying this to hurt you or because I want to leave you. Because I don't. Meredith wasn't a fling. She wasn't revenge. I fell in love with her. That doesn't go away because I decided to stay with you._

_Derek screwed up. He knew it. He was in love with another woman while he was supposed to be working on his marriage. It makes you think why he's still in a car with her. "I love you." Derek cried out. Addison glared at him. "Don't" She warned him. They both knew he didn't mean it. He wasn't even looking at her. He was looking anywhere else. "You can't even say it without looking out the window." Addison stated. There was no bitterness in her tone. Maybe she too was starting to be indifferent. _

_He suddenly looked straight into her eyes. They were glassy. She looked sleepless. He placed his hand on her cheek, then ran it through her hair. Slowly, he leaned forward until their lips met. She didn't pull back. Maybe she was getting as good as he was at being in denial. The kiss wasn't anything special. Their lips had met, but she knew that he was secretly hoping it were someone else. _

_As soon as they pulled apart, neither of them said a word. They had gotten out of their car and went to the vet as if nothing happened. _

* * *

"That's kind of depressing." Derek stated. Addison nodded. He smiled. "Who would've thought that our last kiss would be so boring?" He joked. Addison tilted her head. She clearly wasn't as amused as he was. "We have had sex in Richard's office as interns. Vivian has caught us having sex. Everyone of our friends and family used to make remarks like 'get a room.' How the hell was that our last kiss?" Derek laughed harder.

He wasn't laughing because it was funny. He laughed because it's amusing. They screwed up.

"I never would've imagined our last kiss to go that way." Derek was now unconsciously stroking his thumb on her palm. Addison pulled her hand away.

"I never imagined we'd have a last kiss at all." She blurted. Once again, their eyes found each other. They were apologizing again. Neither of them were speaking, but the familiarity of it all, was already a conversation in itself.

"How about we change it?" Derek suggested.

"What?"

"Let's change it." Derek repeated. Addison stared at him confused.

"I don't think I understand."

"That couldn't have been our last kiss." Derek repeats.

"Stop saying that." Addison raised her voice. Derek stared her down. Neither one of them were backing down.

"Let's change it. Let's make it the best kiss we've ever shared." Derek suggested. Addison laughed.

"Are you out of your mind? We're both married to other people."

"I know that." Derek giggled. He was up to something, but Addison couldn't find it in her to walk away. "I'm not asking to kiss you Addie." Addison sighed of relief. "I'm just saying that we should change our last kiss. Replace it with another memory." He explain. Addison nodded. Derek must be crazy. All those years in Seattle must have deteriorated his sanity; not that he had been sane at the beginning. "So any ideas?"

Addison knew exactly what kiss deserved the gravitas of the title of 'Last Kiss.' It was the last kiss they had shared before the indifference, before Mark, before Meredith.

* * *

_"Addie? Honey? I'm home." Derek announced as he deposited his briefcase and keys in the specific table that Addison picked out for the brownstone. "Honey! I'm home." He yelled a little louder. Again, no reply. That's strange. It was her day off. She was suppose to be home. He mentally tried to remember the date and if there was anything special that day. There wasn't. He was starting to worry. "Addie!" He tried again. Derek scanned the entire first floor for his wife. Then, he heard it. It was a sound he has grown to know well. The neurosurgeon quickly make his way upstairs and into the room that they are yet to decorate. _

_The lights were switched off. The only thing illuminating the rather large bedroom were the candles laid on the ground. There was Chinese takeout on the table along with a bottle of their favorite wine. Their wedding song playing in the background. At the far end corner of the room was his wife of 10 years in what he can tell was a new Prada dress and new Manolo Blahnik heels. He didn't care about that because she was absolutely beautiful. The dim lights just emphasized how much of an ethereal beauty she was. Her warm ginger hair fell perfectly. He was suddenly embarrassed by his choice to leave his tie in his office. _

_"Happy 10th anniversary Honey." Addison greeted him with a smile. God even her smile was perfect. It took him all his energy not to carry her to bed right then and there. Instead, he walked towards her and wrapped his arms around her waist. This would suffice for now._

_"It isn't our anniversary yet babe." Derek teased. Addison rolled her eyes. It's in 3 days, so it isn't too early for them to celebrate._

_"Do you like my surprise?" She asked. She loosely draped her arms on his shoulder._

_"You didn't have to do any of this Honey. We're already going to the Hamptons this weekend. You didn't have to do this." Derek whispered as they started swaying to the music. _

_"I know that we planned the trip because you had work today, but Der, I couldn't pass this up. 10 years honey. We needed to start early." She smiled beautifully. Her smile was enough to make Derek Shepherd go crazy. He laughed at her ridiculousness._

_"If that's the case, then maybe I should give you my present early." He winked. She laughed as she wrapped her arms tighter around his neck. _

_"Maybe later. I really like where we are right now." She insisted. _

_"Good because I did not want to let you go just yet." He whispered as he slowly leaned in to kiss her. Their tongues danced perfectly. He tasted familiar. He was the love of her life. She was his family. There couldn't be another moment that can surpass this. The joy that filled them brought back memories of their first date, their first kiss, the day they said their 'I love you's,' the day they got married and every other significant second in their relationship. They were Addison and Derek. At that moment, they were infinite._

_"Happy Anniversary Addie." He nuzzled her hair as they pulled apart. _

_"Happy Anniversary Derek." She replied as he held her closer. _

* * *

But of course perfect moments didn't last forever. Derek ended up being called back to the hospital that night. It was a case that he couldn't say no to. They ended up missing their trip too. Sad as it may be, that was the last kiss they shared before the end started happening. To Addison, that's the last kiss story they deserved.

"Addie?" Derek called her out. She must have spaced out. "So what do you say? Let's replace it with something else."

Addison shook her head. "We can't rewrite history Derek." She watched as his smile faltered. "We can't change our 'last kiss.' Just because it doesn't suit your 'McDreamy' lifestyle."

They spent the rest of the time in silence. Neither one of them wanted to speak. Neither one wanted to leave, so they sat across each other watching each other blink and breathe. Unlike before, neither one of them wanted to look away. It was as if they were afraid that the other would disappear. They had memorized the other's features and counted the new wrinkles that have developed since the last time they did this. Then, it happened. The airline had announced that the flight's were resuming to operate. The flight attendants were now asking everyone to head to their new assigned gates. The stillness of the airport was once again resuming to the usual come-and-go hustle and bustle.

"Funny isn't it?" Addison was the first to speak. Derek looked at her curiously. "We met at an airport. A neutral ground. It's not California, nor Seattle. It isn't even in New York. It's"

"Neutral." He finished her sentence. Both of them nodded. The airport wasn't the only thing that was neutral. No one needed to say it out loud, but they both just knew. They too were neutral. No longer in love with one another. Nor did they hate each other. They were neutral. Just two people who has so much love for each other, but had no way of showing it or getting rid of it. They were at that standstill, and they would always just be there. Despite how much water is under that damn bridge, they would always be at this stand still.

"We should go." Derek announced.

"Yeah we should." She replied.

This time, he was the first one to move. He grabbed his coat and his briefcase then proceeded to get up. She soon followed his lead. Their boarding gates were at opposite ends of the building. Neither one of them wanted to move, yet they started backing away from each other.

"Goodbye Addison." He offered his hand for a handshake. She took it. Neither of them wanted to say goodbye. A part of him wishes he could lean and kiss her right then and there. It would be the perfect way to say goodbye, but he didn't. He couldn't. She was no longer his.

"Goodbye Derek." She was the first to let go. She moved closer and left him a kiss on the cheek. She smiled. He walked away.

* * *

_"Goodbye Derek! Goodbye rain!" Addison rolled her eyes and replied with annoyance. "I'm excited to finally see sunlight." She was furious, yet found it in her to make jokes. Her ex husband had insisted on driving her to the airport that since he was the reason she moved to Seattle anyway. "Derek, I'll miss my flight if you don't step on it." She nagged. He laughed. "This isn't funny." The red head pouted._

_"We'll make it." Derek announced._

_"No we won't." Addison bit back._

_More like 'We didn't.'_

_As Derek pulled over at the departure gates, she couldn't help but smirk. "See! I told you that we'll make it." He announced as he put on a smug look on his face. _

_His ex wife groaned, then opened the car door. "You, Derek Shepherd, are impossible." She was already starting to grab her designer carry on bag from the back of his car when Derek opened his door. "I am so grateful that I had already sent my stuff there. If I didn't, I'd be stuck with you longer." This time her voice didn't sound annoyed. She was teasing him. Something, they haven't done in awhile. She missed that. He missed it too. _

_"I'll miss you too Addie." Derek wrapped his arms around her. It was meant to be a quick hug, but it couldn't have been even if they tried. They had spent so much time together that a simple hug would not be appropriate. His hand subconsciously found its way to her chin to aid her head into finding his lips. They had kissed right then and there. It wasn't as passionate as their 10th Anniversary kiss, nor was it as lackluster as their kiss at the vet. This kiss was neutral. It was the perfect last kiss. It was their closure._

* * *

Weeks after their encounter at Washington, Addison had found her way back to the airport. Though it was different this time. This time she was in the LAX departure gate, and this time she was headed to Seattle.

She was headed to Seattle for Derek's funeral.

It didn't feel real at all. It wasn't like the last time she saw him, or the any other time before that. Derek is dead. The Derek she had once loved was gone, so she held onto her hot chocolate with a hint of cinnamon and dash of vanilla a little tighter. Hot Chocolate was their thing. She scanned the board to look for which gate to head to.

Washington DC. Gate 10. _10 years honey. _

She draped her coat on her suitcase and headed over to her gate. She may have been headed to Seattle, but that doesn't mean she couldn't take a detour to Washington. It was her way of saying goodbye, and she couldn't do it just anywhere. She needed to do it in their _neutral _ground.

She wished that she stayed a little longer. Maybe she should've held on a little tighter. Maybe she should've let him rewrite their last kiss. She did always wonder what their real last kiss was like. She wishes that she didn't block those memories from her brains. She wishes she could go back to those days, but when things are ending, all we can remember are the bad days. However, once it's all over, we can't seem to remember the bad. Only the good days and fun times are to be remembered.

Maybe it was for the best. At least, in her memories, their last kiss was one that defined how breathtaking their love story was.

* * *

**END.**

**I really hoped you liked it! Thank you so much for reading.**

**I'd love to know what you think. Leaving reviews are highly ****encouraged. **

**I'd really appreciate every comment I'd get. They're what inspires me to write :) **


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